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We love our customers. We really do. They put food on our table and a roof over our heads. Without them, we would be nowhere. Nevertheless, this is a field which is still relatively new to John Q. Public, and so we often get requests in our work that our clients may see as totally reasonable but that we deem near impossible, at least while remaining within the constraints of time and budget. And so, it was with some chuckles that I read the following missive from my good friend Wade Wells. The original author, however, must remain anonymous (since we have no idea who he or she is!).  "Alice" wrote me the following after she read this: "Thank you for posting  001. If Architects Had to Work Like Software Developers. Laughing about my current situation made today bearable. I can go to the gallows with a smile knowing that other people working for non-techs have experienced the same feelings."

IF ARCHITECTS HAD TO WORK LIKE SOFTWARE DEVELOPERS  

Dear Architect:  

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.  

My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.  

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).  

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)  

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that the kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.  

To ensure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.  

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.  

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.  

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has.  

I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house that he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 25 meter swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new home without impacting the final cost.  

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.  

You must be thrilled to be working on as interesting a project as this one!