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017 - News Report: Bill Gates to Purchase CBS

Top 10 Changes if Bill Gates Buys CBS 

10)  Your old TV will be deemed unsuitable for upgrade and will require you to spend $2000 for new hardware 

9)  CBS will declare "Black and White(tm)" the new standard for Television communications and will receive a patent 

8)  The first time you turn on CBS an inventory of everything that is in your house will be transmitted back to MicroSoft - for support reasons 

7)  Your Instant-on TV will now take 20 minutes to start up 

6)  When you go to bed it will now take an extra 10 minutes until your TV set displays "It is now safe to turn off your TV" 

5)  The new fall season will be started in the following February and will only be 2/3 complete 

4)  When you push the Auto-setup feature on your TV nothing will show up  anymore.  After sitting on hold on the MicroSoft TV Support phone lines for 13 hours listening to MicroSoft ads, the rep will tell you that you pressed the button incorrectly. 

3)  Your TV will be tied up for 8 hours every month doing a Service Pack download that will do nothing for CBS, but will totally demolish all other station reception 

2) Movies and Radio will be declared non-standard by Bill Gates and will be forced into bankruptcy 

AND the number 1 change 

1) The 5 o'clock news will be aired at 3 am without the Sports and Weather (they will be included in the next version - CBS 98 - due in the first quarter of 2000)  

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