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004 - The Shipwrecked Engineer

Thanks to my friend Carole Lipski for passing along to me this chuckle and a half:   

An engineer took a cruise to the Caribbean. It was wonderful; the experience of his life. But, alas, a hurricane came up unexpectedly and the ship went down. He was swept onto the shore of an island. No people, no supplies, nothing.  

He explored but found nothing other than some bananas and coconuts. He was desperate and forlorn, but what could he do? For the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and looked for a ship to come to his rescue.  

One day, he spotted a rowboat coming from what looked like the other side of the island. In it was a gorgeous woman: She was tawny and tanned, and her hair flowing in the breeze gave her an ethereal quality.  

When she reached him, he asked excitedly, "Where did you come from? How did you get here"?.  

She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island. My cruise ship sank four months ago."   

"Amazing," he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You are really lucky that a rowboat washed up with you."  

"There is no one else -- only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up. I built it out of raw material I found on the island. The oars I whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from an eucalyptus."  

"But -- but," asked the man, "What did you use for tools?"   

"Oh, no problem," replied the woman, "On the south side of the island there is a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable iron. But enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?"  

The man confessed he had been sleeping on the beach. "Let's row over to my place," she said. So they got into the rowboat and left for her side of island. The woman tied up the rowboat with a beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk to an exquisite bungalow.   

"It's not much," she said, " but I call it home. Would you like a drink?"   

"No," he answered, "One more coconut juice and I will puke."   

"I have a still," said the woman, "How about a Pina Colada?"  

Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch. After a while, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?"   

"No," the man replied, "I was clean shaven all my life."   

"Well, if you would like to shave, there is a razor in the cabinet in the upstairs bathroom."  

The man, no longer questioning anything, went to the bathroom. In the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed to an edge were fastened to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. The man shaved, showered and went back downstairs.  

"You look great," she said. "I think I will slip into something more comfortable."   

After a short time, she returned wearing strategically positioned fig leaves and smelling faintly of gardenia.   

"Tell me," she asked, "We have both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. Have you been lonely? Is there anything that you miss? Something that all men and women crave? Something that would be really nice to have right now?"  
"Yes there is," the man replied, and moved closer to her. "Tell me, do you have an Internet connection?"

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