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051 - Corporate America in the 90's

You know you work in Corporate America in the 90's if...
  • You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies
  • Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro
  • Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket
  • Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um
  • You order your business cards in "half orders" instead of whole boxes
  • When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie
  • You get really excited about a 2% pay raise
  • You learn about your layoff on CNN
  • Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes
  • You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet
  • Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined
  • You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive
  • It's dark when you drive to and from work
  • Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else
  • Communication is something your group is having problems with
  • You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor
  • Free food left over from meetings is your main staple
  • Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home
  • Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital
  • Art involves a white board
  • You're already late on the assignment you just got When 100% of your time means 20 hours, with 40 more hours on the other 100% of your time.
  • You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"
  • Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube and are read by your co-workers only
  • Your boss's favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes" or "when you're freed up"
  • Your boss' second favorite lines are "this isn't exactly what we need. It may be what we asked for, but things have changed."
  • Vacation is something you rollover to next year, or you try to use up three weeks between Christmas and New Year's because otherwise you will lose it, or you get a check for it every January
  • Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers"
  • Change is the norm
  • Nepotism is encouraged
  • The only reason you recognize your kids and friends is because their pictures are hanging in your cube
  • You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting
  • You read this entire list and understood it

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