Programing Humor

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051 - Corporate America in the 90's

You know you work in Corporate America in the 90's if...

You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies
Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket
Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um
You order your business cards in "half orders" instead of whole boxes
When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie
You get really excited about a 2% pay raise
You learn about your layoff on CNN
Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes
You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet
Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined
You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive
It's dark when you drive to and from work
Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else
Communication is something your group is having problems with
You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor
Free food left over from meetings is your main staple
Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home
Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital
Art involves a white board
You're already late on the assignment you just got When 100% of your time means 20 hours, with 40 more hours on the other 100% of your time.
You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"
Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube and are read by your co-workers only
Your boss's favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes" or "when you're freed up"
Your boss' second favorite lines are "this isn't exactly what we need. It may be what we asked for, but things have changed."
Vacation is something you rollover to next year, or you try to use up three weeks between Christmas and New Year's because otherwise you will lose it, or you get a check for it every January
Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers"
Change is the norm
Nepotism is encouraged
The only reason you recognize your kids and friends is because their pictures are hanging in your cube
You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting
You read this entire list and understood it